Today was our niece Audrey's 3rd birthday party. Today was also the day I discovered that kids scare me, which doesn't bode well for the whole "let's eventually have babies!" plan I got going on. Allow me to elaborate...
I love my nieces. Audrey and Anna are really great girls and I think my judgment of the kids subject gets clouded when they are around. Audrey sings along in her cute little voice to Wonder Pets and I swoon. Anna coos and smiles and I melt. Then we come home and I tell Ted all about how great it will be when we have a kid someday.
Today I saw what other kids are like...honey, it ain't pretty. Two little boys ran around the whole. damn. time. Not just running, but playing with balloons and hitting them all over the house. I wanted to have a heart attack just watching the balloons come dangerously close to hitting Megan's stuff and breaking it. Other kids were running around and screaming. I decided to sit in the corner and play Angry Birds Rio until it was time to cut the cake and open presents.
I guess I just don't know what to believe about kids. On one side of things, I have people tell me "Oh, you want to wait as long as possible until you even think about it. Save your freedom and sanity" and then they laugh as if they have just departed some amazing wisdom my way. As if I needed them to tell me that kids are hard. Duh. I see how difficult Megan's days can be when Audrey isn't so cute and Anna is fussy. But then I see how Anna will sometimes only smile when Megan is nearby and I can't help but wonder why these parents keep telling me not to join that club known as parenthood. Surely they experience that same love and affection that I see with Megan and Anthony and the girls, so why would they send warnings instead of speaking of those wonderful aspects of being able to be a parent? Any time I see wild kids or have a parent try to convince me to 'save' my sanity, I just start questioning whether or not it is something I really want.
Let's face it, I'm a pretty selfish individual. I don't like to clean, I like to sleep a lot, I'm sorta lazy and I have a taste for expensive things. I'm pretty sure that a good mother is none of those things. So, my conundrum is: once you have a baby, do you change into a motherly type person?? What happens if I don't develop the mom gene?
At the end of the day, I know I want to have a family with Ted. Am I terrified at the idea I won't be a good mom? Hell yes. Do I worry that I will have triplets and they'll be boys and I won't be able to handle them? Hell yes. Am I tired of people assuming that I need to be told that parenting is hard work and that I should just run the opposite direction? Yeah, a little. I get it. Stop trying to scare me. It isn't very nice.
I understand why you get frustrated with people telling you all the time that being a parent is hard work and you slowly lose your mind. I get tired of people asking me 'is it harder with two kids, I bet it is'. I just want to slap em when they say that. But when someone tells you that, they are speaking from personal experience and yes, you will slowly lose your mind in the first couple of months because you don't think of yourself anymore, your thinking of one little, tiny thing.
ReplyDeleteParenthood is amazing, tiring, and wonderful. It's also such a huge change and you do have to change who you are if you want to raise a good, well brought up kid. Some moms don't develop the motherly gene, I've seen it, and those moms don't take care of their kid, the grandma does. Yes, they keep the kid alive and clean and they buy them nice things, but the grandma keeps the kid all. the. time.
When you hear something that scares you about kids, it's probably true and they are warning you because they probably didn't get that warning.
It's the biggest change of your life, but you already know that.
Oh, and sorry for the crazy kids yesterday, little boys scare me too.
Everyone is just doing what they do best, give advice from personal experience. Relax and when the time comes I know you'll be a great mom. This is not advice as I have no children. It is just what I tell myself in the mirror everyday.
ReplyDeleteThey laugh after saying that because it's partly true and partly a load of crap. You do lose some sanity some times. But, nowhere in this world can you find more fulfillment and happiness and joy than a good family.
ReplyDeleteHaving seen good kids and naughty ones I know how you feel. Wild kids make me crazy too. I can't handle them. That's why I teach my kids to not be wild. Granted my boy isn't that big (16 months, and boys are more energetic than girls) but a lot of it is the parents not teaching their kids how to behave or they are inconsistent in their parenting and their kids walk all over them.
Honestly, before I had kids, I didn't think I would be a very good parent either. Some women are naturally "motherly". I am not one of those women. But I have noticed that the more kids I have and the older they get, the better I get at being a mother and the more I love them.
Kids also kind of force the selfishness out of you. I fought it for so long but gave up after I realized I would be a lot happier if I just took care of whatever situation came up. Then I could do what I wanted later. You'll have to rearrange your schedule a lot with kids, but it's doable. Date nights are a must. And don't feel guilty about doing something for yourself. You need a little "me time" to keep yourself a woman and wife and not just a "mom".
Plus, I'll let you in on a little secret. I know a lot of mom's who don't like to clean, who like their sleep, who like expensive things, and everyone gets lazy now and again. Plus a myriad of other *gasp* non-motherly type things. I am guilty of all of those...most of the time. Yet all these women are good moms because they love their kids and they teach them right. You don't have to be perfect at motherhood to love being a mother.
Wow, long post. Sorry about that. I get frustrated too when people complain about parenting. It is really great and a lot of fun. You just have to invest in it.
for what it is worth...
ReplyDeletenobody knows what kind of a parent they will be until it happens. just like no one knows what kind of wife or husband they will be.
and boys are no different than girls. they just pee differently!!!
if you look around you will see adults acting much worse than children and adults who should know better. look at how much children learn in such a short time - i used to freak out over finals. each second of a child's beginning is like having a final a second. just think about it... learning everything from their first breath.
adults often get frustrated when children get fussy at events, restaurants or situations when it was not their choice to be there. parent's bring them and often like adults their behavior feeds off of those around them. when my children would max out - i would go outside to play with them or read or play games with them in the car until others were ready to leave.
children are what they are...children with more going on in their heads and bodies than we can ever imagine. they aren't being fussy...they are just overloaded...and can't communicate or reason why.
i don't think having a baby or becoming a husband or wife changes who you truly are, it just opens a door to your heart and soul that you never knew was there....
i have confidence that both you and ted will know when or if to bring children into your lives. and you will have the support of family, friends and each other, regardless of your decision. enjoy and keep faith in what you have now...the rest will come...