So I'm angry this week. Yes...I know things could be worse. No...I don't want you to tell me that. I'm venting. If you feel the need to tell me not to dwell on it or to be positive, keep it to yourself, ok?
So in less than a week's time, Ted and I got in 3 different car accidents. Yep, you read that right, 3. The first was Tuesday morning. Ted left for work, and about ten minutes later my cell phone rings. His car had hydroplaned off the road and into the worst possible ditch - one with a concrete side walk/bridge thing. Basically, his car ran off the road and got hung up on this piece of concrete. Luckily, he's ok. His car is not, and it looks like we are going to be out a few grand in order to fix it. A part of me feels stupid because we bumped his car down to liability only a few months ago, but after talking to a few people I think we would have been screwed even if we had full coverage cause we think they would have totaled the car after looking at its past accident history. So either way, we would be out thousands of dollars.
After Ted called me I was really distraught and distracted. I think that's the normal reaction to news like this. As I'm backing out of the driveway, I don't realize just how close I am to our neighbor's truck and back into it. A part of me wants to blame them - don't park your big ass truck in the street...I knew this was going to happen eventually. But alas I guess I shouldn't have driven while upset...oh wait I had to go get my husband out of a ditch. Luckily, I didn't do any damage to their truck but my car (you know, that new one we bought 4 months ago?) has a dent in the back. Our neighbor didn't seem to care, so no reporting to insurance was done.
Things were looking up Friday and Saturday. I spent most of the time with Blair for her birthday. It was a nice distraction that didn't last long enough. Ted broke the news to me this morning that while he was out getting lunch in my car Saturday afternoon, a woman decided to slam on her brakes and stop in the middle of road without warning and he rear-ended her. So I have a nice big dent in the front to match the back...again, in the car we bought 4 freaking months ago. Ted said the woman completely knew it was her fault and didn't want to trade information; Ted was fine with that because he knew it didn't matter that she was in the wrong - the insurance would have blamed him.
So Ted has been working nights while we have one vehicle; this means we see each other for maybe 4 and a half hours each day. You don't realize how difficult it is to work in a town that has no public transportation whatsoever and only have one car. Makes me not want to work and be a lazy welfare recipient or person who just cheats the system and doesn't contribute. I'm finding I'm becoming more and more jaded with each passing day. I work damn hard and I did everything right on paper - I worked hard in school and I graduated and got a job and contribute to society and pay my bills on time. Yet times like this make me feel like I did it all wrong. I just want to breathe, you know? Like, why do we keep experiencing these freaking hurdles? Seriously, we want to experience life and we can't do that if we continue to run into these random problems.
But, I guess that's life? I know, we have our health and it could be way worse. Believe me, the fact does not escape my mind that Ted could have been seriously injured on Tuesday. If you think for a second I take that for granted you are mistaken. I think I'm even more upset because I'm someone who cannot take her mind away from the scary things that can happen to people in life and I have played out a million horrible scenarios in my head over the past week. I can't stop thinking about it and it has compounded the negative aspects of this week.
There are several other things in my life right now that I'm really angry about, but I'm not ready to put those things out here in the blogosphere yet. I just know I'm tired of being angry and I'm working on changing my emotional state as best I can. Again, I don't want anyone to tell me to be positive. Telling me to do it honestly just pisses me off more. I'm tired of people discounting what I feel every single day. Do you think I enjoy being this angry and frustrated? I don't wake up in the morning and say, hey I think I'm gonna be angry today....it is really the opposite - I wake up trying to feel happy with every ounce of my being; instead I just wake up and the emotion hits me like a tidal wave. It is just there.
So, if you have words of encouragement, I'd really rather not hear them right now. Instead, I'd love to hear what good things you have going right now. I'd like to celebrate others now if I can.
No comments:
Post a Comment