A Question

Can one be modest and full of themselves at the same time? Cause, I think I am.

Let me back up. I think I'm good at my job. I love what I do, and I work really hard to kick ass at it. But at the same time, I like that I only have one annual performance review because it embarrasses me to hear that I kick ass at my job from other people. I'm pretty sure my boss thinks I'm one of the greatest things since sliced bread (the reason I believe this to be true is he was harder on himself during my evaluation than he was on me, and kept saying he could be better about x, y, or z.), but I hate hearing it because honestly, I feel like the expectation should be that I kick ass BECAUSE its my job and I shouldn't hear about how awesome I am. Honestly I think it makes me a little lazy to hear because then I get comfortable and quit trying for a few days.

A good example of this predicament coming to light recently is with this huge education project I've been slaving over for months now. We are down to the wire and I am mere hours of work away from completion. We were developing the credits page for the project disc, and both my boss and a colleague of mine wanted to put my name at the top of the list as the Project Manager. This embarrassed the crap out of me. 1. I should never, ever be listed higher on a credit list than my own boss and other people who far outrank me and 2. I don't necessarily need a title change. I did what I was asked to do. I don't feel that I deserve any credit above and beyond anyone else.

I find it interesting that one of our departments throws themselves a party after completing this one annual task they are responsible for. Um, what? I don't see why one would think "Hey I did my job...let's throw a party to celebrate!" If we did that in our department for every performance we pulled off, then we would never get anything done. I like having the very occasional pat on the back, hey yall are doing great gathering for the whole company, but I find it disturbing that they feel the need to celebrate that they did what was expected of them...

Is this weird to feel this way? Am I the lone modest, big headed individual in the universe?

I Have a Tendency...

to change my mind. A lot. Constantly, really.

For example, you know how I was super depressed about Sly? Well, I changed my mind. I'm not giving him up. I love my little spastic dog and we've decided to just not have him around people at our house. If we have company he'll go straight upstairs and stay in the goth kid's room. He's absolutely fantastic with just Ted and I and well frankly that's what matters. We aren't going to have a kid anytime soon, but I think he'd do well with a baby constantly being around if and when that time comes.

I know why I'm indecisive - I'm a people pleaser through and through. I overanalyze and look at a situation from every imaginable angle and how my decision will effect the entire universe. I think I know that my decision to eat a turkey sandwich for lunch today won't impact anyone other than myself and the place I purchase it from. However I am also thinking about how I've had a sandwich twice this week and I don't want the custodian to label me "that sandwich and Dr Pepper girl" because of my trash. I know he labels me the Dr Pepper girl cause he told me so when I was at work late and he came in. It freaked me out a little.

Anyway, I drive everyone nuts with my indecision, especially T. Deciding what to do for dinner is always an adventure:
Me: So, what do you want to do for supper? I forgot to take meat out again.
T: I don't care...what do you want?
Me: Ummmmmmmmmmm I don't know what I'm in the mood for. Maybe Sonic?
T: Ok I can do Sonic
*Brief moment of silence*
Me: Nevermind...what about Whataburger? That sounds good, right?
T: Either would be fine.
Me: Ooo no we should have BBQ!
*Brief moment of silence*
T: Ok which one?
Me: I don't know...you pick.
T: I really don't care and I know that you do, so which do you really want?
*Brief moment of silence*
T: Well? BBQ?
Me: Nah, just go to Sonic.

We repeat this same conversation as T walks out the door to get the food. I don't understand how he hasn't murdered me yet.

So if I can't decide food options, how am I supposed to make a sound decision on whether I keep a dog or not. I've gone back and forth every minute of the last few days. Ultimately I love him too much to give him up and I don't want the guilt to kill me. Cause that's another thing I'm horrible about - Guilt. That's a blog for another day.

What are you indecisive about?

The Saddest Panda in all the Lands

So I love my dog. He's amazing...until other people come around. Then he becomes a demon dog apparently and decides he needs to try to bite them. We can't seem to make him stop nor do we have the expertise to figure out how to do that, even with training. So the logical and realistic thing to do is to give him back to the rescue group because we can't handle him. But I don't wanna cause he looks at me with his big brown eyes and I just know he loves his momma.

Meh...I guess I really have no choice because soon people are going to just not want to come over to our house and see us. Therefore I'm the saddest panda in all the lands today. Cheer me up somehow.

Oh and my car is broken...the AC fan or something is out and makes a horrible grinding noise when I try to have air, so I'm currently rolling with no AC. FML.

1st Anniversary Shenanigans

So our first anniversary was last Sunday. I went with tradition and got T a card cause it is officially our 'paper' anniversary (ok honestly I had forgotten until like four days before and I couldn't figure out what to get him...so I told him to buy himself some sort of electronic device he's been coveting lately). T originally intended to take me to S'port for some gambling and a good meal, but we woke up late and I didn't want to ride in a car for four hours just to get there. So he bought me a dog instead. I think I got a sweet deal.

So our little guy is a 14 month old mutt of sorts (we think part Finnish Spitz part Pomeranian part Shiba Inu) and he was really chill and lazy...until he warmed up to us. Now he's hyper all the time. I'm pretty sure T would give him back to the rescue group (they are a no kill group that fosters the dogs in people's homes, so don't think we are cruel horrible people, k?) in a heartbeat, but I already love the little guy. He looks just like a fox. He's currently curled up next to me on the couch on his Ikea pillow watching America's Next Top Model. Maybe he's a gay dog. That's cool with me. His given name is Buddy, but we want to change it to Sly. Here's a picture of my new furbaby:



We also went to Benihana's for dinner. It was soooo gooood. Worth. Every. Penny. We sat at a table with three other couples, and the dude closest to us let us try his wine out of his glass...he offered...it was random. It was good wine so now we know what to get next time we go (Plum wine).

I can't believe it has been a year since our trip down the aisle. We've settled into this nice little routine and some days it feels like we've been married for years and years. I'm a lucky girl.

We're Going to the Zoo Zoo Zoo

How about you, you, you? You can come too, too, too We're going to the zoo, zoo, zoo!

I love that song...in moderation...when you don't have to hear it twice a day for two weeks straight at an orchestra concert for kids.

Anyway, me, B and T all went to the zoo and an outdoor concert for July 4. It was hot, sticky and super fun! We had a really good time. B is leaving to go back to school this weekend, so it was imperative that we get in as much silliness as humanly possible over the past few days. Some silly things at the zoo included mocking the Dinosaurs! exhibit for the cobwebs all over the "real life dinos!", chasing squirrels and pigeons (ok only T did that but it was fun to watch), posing with various statues around the zoo, and standing in line for 20 minutes for a sno-cone (ok that wasn't so fun and silly but it was part of the adventure).

The concert was really good. It was hard for me to just sit back and enjoy because I was analyzing everything in case I needed to run and help my coworkers out, but B and T said they liked it alot. If you've never been to an outdoor concert before, you should go - there are 5 FREE ones every summer in Hermann Park. Next year I resolve to go to more of them and take a picnic and have a nice date with T.

I dyed and cut my hair yesterday. It is pretty awesome. If I remember to take a picture of it I'll post it so yall can see. Until next time!

Wait...We're Still In High School?

Oh ok now I get your attitude. *Rolls eyes and walks away*

That was a good chunk of my weekend. I'm going to vent a little now. M'Kay?

If my obviously not serious blog and the humor behind it offends you, you don't know me very well ok? And the whole not knowing me very well, well who's fault is that really? Though, if I were to be completely honest, the reason you don't know me very well is probably because I choose for it to be that way. I don't need people in my life who are going to bring the drama...I do that just fine on my own. So, if this blog offends you over a simple, tongue-in-cheek statement about when I was a kid, well frankly you should just stop reading and go on your merry little way, especially if you harbor some major ill feelings to begin with and don't really seem to like me all that much. Why be so fascinated with what this blog says if you have no real interest in my non-internet related life?

Maybe I'm being too harsh. I don't really know. I just know I have a really hard time dealing with stuff in my head as it is and I don't need extra sprinkles of crap like what went down this weekend. I'm beyond over it. I have so much good in my life and this type of thing completely grabs my attention away from the good. This kind of thing makes me feel like I'm back in the pettiness that is high school and I'm 27 for heaven's sake...I should be done with this by now!

Ok that's my vent. I promise to blog about my super awesome adventure with my hubs and B later today.

I Needs a Vacation and I Needs It Bad

So the arts organization I work for is going on a really big tour in October, and I've done a lot of work for it. Unfortunately, there is not enough money in the budget for me to get to go on the tour. I'm seriously bummed (and a bit bitter too) so to alleviate that depression T and I have decided to take a vacation so I don't sit in my cube and sulk for two weeks...cause I'm a whiner/pouter and that's what I do when I don't get my way.

We've narrowed it down to 3 possibilities, but we are having a hard time deciding what to do. Here are our options with a pro/con list.

1. Disney World - I love me some Disney World, and I haven't been since 1999. Disney was the choice vacation spot for my family and I'm pretty sure that's where we'll be taking our kids one day in the distant future. T, however, doesn't really feel the Disney love. He went on that same band trip in 1999 and hated it. He told me about how miserable he was, and I was in disbelief because who would ever describe a trip to Disney as 'miserable'!?! I feel like I need to prove to him that it is indeed the happiest place in the universe and he'll totally agree after he experiences Disney the Meredith way. So here are the pro/cons:
Pro:
I love Disney
There is a food and wine festival going on when we would be there and frankly, we love to eat
It would be at a great time of year: not too hot and not very many kids at the park because of the school calendar
Con:
It is a little pricey but if we skimped on some stuff between now and October we'd make it work. But I don't like to skimp on anything ever.
T doesn't like Disney all that much
While it won't be hella hot outside, it is still hurricane season and with our luck a Category 18 Killer Mega Hurricane would develop and plop down right on top of Orlando that week.

2. Hawaii - I love Hawaii, but not as much as Disney. I went on a college trip to Oahu and The Big Island in 2004 and it was AMAZING. The views were spectacular, and I loved all of the cultural stuff you can do on Oahu. T's never been and has always wanted to go. He'd love to take a trip to Pearl Harbor because he's a big WWII history buff.
Pro:
Beautiful and relaxing
The weather should be good
T would be giddy
Con:
EXPENSIVE - a bit over budget, but it would probably be well worth it.

3. Cruise - We've never done a cruise, but everyone and their mom seem to love them. I'm not sold; I think I'd get really bored because I'm not really interested in going on an excursion in Mexico (though Carnival has this underwater scooter thing that looks hilarious) or am I interested in laying by a pool doing nothing. Everyone says that there are plenty of activities, but T and I aren't really "activities" kind of people unless we have a group to do it with. I'm worried we'll get on the boat and do nothing but sit in our room and eat lots of food because we can't seriously go to one of the lounge acts for fear we'd make fun of it and giggle the whole time. Plus, we don't really do formal anything anymore. We had a wedding to get that out of our system. Despite all this, I still kinda want to see what the big deal is since seriously, every. single. person. has told us to go on a cruise.
Pro:
Less time off of work
Most Affordable - we wouldn't have to fly anywhere
Con:
What if we hate it by day 2?
Forced Socialization isn't really our thing
Pirates (laugh if you want to, but B has a very severe fear that this would happen should she ever step foot on a cruise ship, I kid you not)

Ok those are the choices. Help me pick.