Stop the Procreation Merry Go Round...I Want to Get Off!!

It is official: I'm in the phase of life that revolves around procreating. Lately it feels like everyone I know or blogs I read or tv shows I watch or songs on the radio are all about the babies. (ok, that may be taking it a bit far...but you get the idea).

I just can't get my mind wrapped around it. One minute, I'm all about it. (Example here and here). But the more my exterior life revolves around baby talk, the more squeamish I'm becoming. One of my dear friends is halfway through her pregnancy and I'm over the moon for her. But two more of my friends have had some difficulties and I'm terrified I'll experience the same things.

There are days I get too obsessed with the idea of kids. When Ted's grandmother passed away a few weeks ago, the minister spoke alot about her important role as a mother and grandmother and how that's her legacy. Later that afternoon it hit me: Oh shit, if I don't have kids I won't have a legacy. I'll have a funeral when I'm 90 and no one will be there because I didn't procreate. I spent the next few weeks rearranging my life to make sure we could have a legacy and won't die alone. Sad, right?

I woke up last week and was irritated again by the idea of never experiencing getting to drop my kid off at school or watching their first cello recital or cheering them on at a soccer game. I cried. Over something I'm not even ready to admit I desperately want soon or hell even tried to have yet. I spent the rest of the day in a miserable mood and yelling at Ted for no good reason. The next morning I woke up and made a decision: I was going to stop planning my life around the idea that we might have kids one day. Because guess what? It isn't a guarantee in life.

I can't do it anymore even though I've only been obsessing for a few months now. I have to stop thinking to myself, well, if we decide to try now I could be giving birth by this date...how would that effect everything...work, travel, holidays? In the words of Rachel Zoe - That's bananas. Instead, I'm going to just focus on my relationships and having a freedom that I know I will gladly one day trade in. I just don't know when that will happen yet.

So in honor of this "live for myself not an imaginary baby" idea we're going to go on vacation with BFFs Jess and Terry in December and it will be amazing. And it will save my sanity. Then, the next thing will be to find a way to convince my boss that I need to go on the May Carnegie tour and I'm going to take my sister with me. And then, who knows what the next focus will be. I just need the pressure to go away, and I think this is a great way to do that for myself. Until the time comes for me to welcome my own Chicken Little, I'll bask in the happiness I have for my lucky friends who are pregnant or who will be soon.

Clean Sweep

So I've decided to sell my childhood Archie comic collection. I'm not gonna lie, the hoarder in me is having a hard time with the concept. These books were my entertainment for years; plus I have a lot of sentimental attachment to the books. My Aunt introduced me to the world of Archie, and when she passed away when I was in fourth grade, it was my way of keeping her close to my heart. I plan on keeping a few for sentimental reasons, but overall I know it is time to pass the collection along. I have counted up about 1,900 so far; obviously I do not have a lot of room to store the massive number of books and magazines.

While I was logging comic books, I decided it was time to clean and organize the remaining boxes in our third bedroom. I'm down to only two boxes that don't fit in the closet that I need to find a place for and I was able to throw a lot of stuff away. It felt good to purge. Of course, while sorting through stuff I found many old things (pictures, trinkets, etc.) that reminded me of old times. I am never sure if I really want to keep these things or if I just do it out of guilt because let's face it, I don't really see those items as reminders of happier times. Honestly I see them more as reminders of what my life felt like then and why I'm so much better off now. I don't know if that makes sense. I guess seeing those items every now and again gives me some perspective.

Another good reason for cleaning out the third bedroom is because my girls are coming to Houston on Friday! We are celebrating Jessica's birthday by playing bingo and just spending some quality time together. I love these girls (and their guys!) more than anything, and I just want to say again I am so thankful they are in my life. I wish they lived next door to me (which, there is a house for sale next door to us...it would be awesome...just putting it out there ;-p).

101 in 1,001 Update

Long time, no blog. Sorry guys. June and July have been crazy stressful months at work. Our Operations Director was out of the country for our Planets project, so that left my boss and I to cover some pretty major tech concerts. It was rough, but I learned a whole lot about stuff that I kinda only knew a little about. Overall, I think it made me a stronger ops person.

So I've made a small dent in my 101 in 1,001 list so I thought I'd give you guys an update one what I've accomplished so far.

4. Go on a vacation with Blair (6/10/11)
Obviously, we went to Vegas together. We had tons of fun gambling, people watching, and seeing great shows. Here are a few pics:
This is from our scavenger hunt:


We played some bingo...Blair won...I did not:


I convinced her to do a shot with me at Coyote Ugly:


We had a lot of fun at the Minus 5 ice bar:


Also, I accomplished something else on my list during this trip:
9. Take a picture in front of the Las Vegas sign (6/10/11)


48. Attend my 10 year High School reunion (6/11/11)
I've already talked about this a bit. Again, it was interesting to see everyone after 10 years.

58. A new car (7/15/11)
We bit the bullet and bought a new car. I'm still in shock about it because I never thought we would do it any time soon. I was a hot mess when we signed the papers:

I'm still worried about money, but I'm always worried about money. We needed to help my parents out and besides, I was tired of smelling like crayon all the time. So, everyone, meet Stingray AKA Ray Ray, my new Mazda CX-7:


66. Turn one of the upstairs bedrooms into a complete guestroom
I finally made one of the upstairs bedrooms into a guest room. Thanks to Blair, it looks pretty good and we didn't spend a huge ton of money on it. Now that I have a car note, I don't foresee us doing a lot more renovations on the house in the near future. Here's a pic:


68. Buy another chair for the living room. (5/2011)
Technically, Mom and Dad bought us a new chair for the living room for our anniversary. I don't have a picture, but it is pretty perfect. I <3 it.

I think I need to pick up the pace on my list. I need to do more if I want to come close to finishing. Hopefully I'll have more time in August to do some of my list.

10 Year Evolution

Well, I just got back from my 10 year high school class reunion. It was nice to see old classmates and catch up with people who I typically only 'see' through facebook. One of my friends asked an interesting question while there - Did you end up where you thought you would ten years ago? I honestly couldn't answer the question at the time because I couldn't remember what my 18 year old self wanted in life. But after spending some time thinking it over, I'm going to attempt to answer the question.

Just to give you all some background, here's a rundown of 18 year old Meredith:

• Complete band nerd. So focused on getting into a music school so she can get a flute performance degree she took 3 periods of band/music her senior year.
  
• Had a boyfriend of 3 years who she adored, yet thought about cheating on a few times. Never cheated, but really that should have clued her in as to the state of the relationship.
• Had a good number of friends who she thought she'd be close to forever.
• Wanted out of Crosby desperately but figured she would marry the previously mentioned boyfriend and would have kids and all that here; she would just teach private lessons and be a stay at home mom.
• Was a normal teenager full of angst and drama and self importance...could sometimes easily be called a bitch.

Get the picture? So let's compare that to what 22 year old Meredith was like:

• Finished her degree in four years, but had no idea what to do with it. About two months after graduating, she had a meltdown in her parent's kitchen because she just didn't want to play her flute anymore.
  
• Worked at Sears, which she felt was beneath her. Ultimately depressed because she had a college degree and couldn't get hired anywhere other than retail.
• Desperate to get out of Crosby and 'live her life'
  
• Single but completely in love with someone who didn't love her back.
• Still angsty and full of drama. Easily a bitch when she wanted to be.
• Had a small group of friends who she loved; missed her college friends; not really close to some of the people she thought she would still be friends with in high school.

Hmm. Not quite the direction 18 year old Meredith had predicted. Does it get better? Let's check in with 25 year old Meredith.

• Back on track with her career. Living in Ohio to get her master's degree. Proud that she didn't stay in the retail rut. Really living a life that a woman in her early 20's should. Marriage and kids are far away things for her.
  
• Still in love with someone who didn't love her back, but tried to break out of that by partying too much and making out with a few guys in bars and parking lots. Luckily she at least respected herself enough to not cross that fine line into slutville.
• Misses home every now and again, but happy to not live in Crosby.
  
• College friends solidified as the ones who were going to be there for the big events.
  
• Overall still trying to find her fit. She could feel she was heading in the right direction, but at times she felt like she had stalled out.

Well, obviously I still had to do some growing to end up where I have today. Here's how I sum up present day Meredith:

• Married to an amazing guy who had been under her nose for a few years. Luckily she pulled her head out of her ass and saw him standing there. Never ever thought she could feel so secure in a relationship.
• College friends are still around. She is blessed to have them.
• Really wants kids.
• Loves her job and can't wait to see if it will continue to grow.
• Lives in Crosby, where she swore she wouldn't end up and she's happy about it. She's close to her family, which she has come to realize matters most in life.
• Occasionally misses her party days and has a few pangs of yearning for that life. Then, she has a chance to live that way again for a few hours and instantly hates it. Who knew she could be so happy being so utterly boring?

So, if you look at all of those lists, and compare what 18 year old Meredith expected to what happened, I'd say I have far exceeded her expectations. 18 year old Meredith had such a limited viewpoint of the world and had no idea what it could actually be like. Thank goodness I was able to move beyond that point and grow into who I am today.

So let's throw out the question to all of you. Would your 18 year old self be satisfied with where you are today? How did you feel after your high school reunion, or, if you haven't gotten there yet, what do you expect to feel?

A Blog About Nothing

I've been falling behind in my pledge to blog at least once a week. Sorry about that again. I have two excuses: 1) work has been insane. 2) I have nothing exciting going on to write about. So this post will be about random nothings I've encountered the past few weeks.

1) I'm almost caught up on Desperate Housewives. I know it is a cheesy dramedy, but it is entertaining. What show should I watch next?

2) Ted worked nights all last week and I felt like I never saw him. It was really frustrating. Luckily he's back to working during the day so we will get back into a normal routine. Not-so-luckily he has to do it again next month :(

3) I love having Blair at home. I think we've seen each other almost every day. Hopefully she doesn't get sick of me.

4) In other Blair news, she loves her job, and that makes me happy. I'm glad she was able to find something fulfilling right off the bat. I hope it continues for her.

5) I want to see Something Borrowed, Bridesmaids, and The Hangover Part 2. I think I should just make next Sunday a movie marathon day.

6) Sly stayed at the kennel last weekend while we were in Waco. He came home with a green bandana, and I now believe that green is the best complimentary color for his fur.

7) We leave for Vegas in two weeks. Beyond excited.

That's really all I can think to write. Back later peeps.

All Grown Up

Hi everyone! Sorry I have lapsed a bit on writing. Life has been crazy busy lately between work and other stuff that I haven't really had a chance to sit down and talk about.

Friday my sister Blair graduated from Baylor. I can't believe that she's officially a grown up and is already going to start working in her field. We all drove up to Waco to see her graduation ceremony and to help move all of her stuff back home to Crosby. It took about 4 hours of sweat and irritation to get everything packed up in the U-haul and the two vehicles. I love my Dad, but man he can get cranky during a move!

Mom and Dad left with the U-haul, and Ted and I stayed back with Blair so she could take some pictures with her roommates one last time. On the way to campus, Blair was very emotional, which is definitely not the norm. She's always been a bit of a stoic, so it was really touching to see this response from her. I think it really showed how much her roommates mean to her and the impact that her college experience had on her.

Thinking back, I don't remember having that kind of response to leaving Centenary. I haven't seen some of the people that I considered really good friends while there since our graduation ceremony (my S'port girls are the exception to this rule). The only time I really cried was when I saw my mom cry. Centenary was a great experience, but at the same time I was beyond ready to get out of there. I wish I had developed such a strong tie to Centenary the way that Blair did with Baylor.

So, when you graduated from college did you have a big emotional response? Or were you like me and were more good riddance than good bye?

Big News Weekend

Geez Louise this was a big news weekend! Let's review, shall we?

Of course I woke up at 4:30 AM to watch the Royal Wedding. I'm a pop culture junkie, and do you honestly think I would miss the biggest event of the decade?? Psh I think not. Kate looked flawless. That dress was the perfect compromise of modern flair and classic, traditional elegance required for a royal wedding in Westminster Abbey.

For the people who say she wasn't edgy enough, I say that you people are cray-cray. She couldn't stomp down that aisle as if she were on the runway she was on when William finally realized her hotness and wear something like this:



The Queen would have passed out after screaming "To the Tower with that harlet". Prince Harry probably would have high-fived Wills and told him good job. Pippa wouldn't see the problem with that dress though...she seems like she knows how to have a good time.

Anyone else think that the Maid of Honor and Best Man totally hooked up after the reception? Especially after seeing what a hot mess Chelsy Davy was...honey, if you are trying to convince the official Spare to the thrown to marry you and make you a princess, TRY HARDER. Why you decided to wear something that looks like a Stein Mart power suit is beyond me.


I can't forget to give a shout out to Fergie's girls, Eugenie and Beatrice. I literally laughed every single time the camera panned over to the Queen and I saw these two perched behind her. I couldn't help but see this image:

instead of:


At the end of it I really hope that Kate and Wills make it work. You could tell they really love each other by the way they kept sneaking glances at each other and smiling during the ceremony. It would be a shame if the royal way of life messes it up for them.

The other big news of the weekend came in late last night. Osama bin Laden is dead. We finally caught up with the rat. A part of me is so glad that he finally paid for his many, many crimes against not only the US but humanity in general. The other part of me doesn't want to celebrate as hard as many Americans have been celebrating. I guess it just makes me anxious that retaliation is a definitive and is just a matter of when as opposed to if. Hopefully my anxious feelings are just paranoia and won't actually happen.